Conversations – the list

I like having conversations when…
1.    You have something to say that is of interest to me.
2.    I can learn something or question something and thereby gain understanding.
3.    I can contribute something on a topic that is close to my heart.
4.    I can get a contrary point of view to the situation.
5.    I can vent – get it off my chest – and be shown compassion, not a fix to the problem.
6.    I get information that is important to me – even if it is only an answer to “how are you?”
7.    I get attention that validates me.
8.    I am able to make a connection – even if it is only passing in a supermarket cashier line.
9.    I can provide information that helps you.
10.    It makes waiting a shorter time.
I don’t like having conversations when…
1.    You want something I am reluctant to provide.
2.    You are picking an argument for no reason.
3.    You don’t want to listen or learn, but prove that you are RIGHT.
4.    I want to think.
5.    I want to do something else and feel held up or inconvenienced.
6.    You are not interested, defensive, offensive or angry so that I feel dismissed, foolish or a nuisance.
7.    You are bragging, artificially polite or superior.
8.    I am reluctant to engage – for whatever reasons.
9.    I am being lectured and not expected to contribute beyond a nod.
10.  I am working or need to focus and do not want to distracted.
Conclusions:
1.    Conversations are selfish and self-orientated.
2.    Conversations suit the initiator not the responder.
3.    Conversations fulfil a need – spoken or unspoken.
4.    Conversations can be time wasting and meaningless.
5.    Conversations are often a manipulation, a one-sided convenience or endurance test.
6.    Conversations need at least two interested parties to be real.
7.    Conversations can be talking without purpose – seldom – more likely a purpose however undefined.
8.    Conversations are often about learning or validation.
9.    Conversations share something when they are meaningful and there is an exchange.
10.    Conversations can be a solution to a problem.
11.    Conversations only take pace amongst equals.
12.    Conversations are not about making you feel better about yourself.
Principles
1.    Conversations should engage and flow, adapting to the circumstances.
2.    Conversations should be two directional with no leader and no follower.
3.    Conversations should not have an agenda.
4.    Conversations should be interesting to both/all parties.
5.    Conversations should not demand anything but engagement.
6.    Conversations should not be judgemental – opinion is not rigid.
7.    Conversations should not score points – it is not a competition.
8.    Conversations should be about sharing love (No not flirting, sharing).
9.    Conversations should be orientated around the other person.
10.    Conversations should uplift not destroy.
11.    Conversations are a process.
12.    People are more than content (when you see them as equals they become people) and amongst equals conversation are comforting.

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